Crocodile's Dating Service
by Beanstalks
Summary: Baroque Works has a plan to make money: making videos for their new dating service. Of course, considering the members of Baroque Works, you'd wonder who would actually date any of them...besides fangirls. Set before "Crocodile's Dirty Movie." Complete.
1. Chapter 1: Mr 3

Mr. 3 sat in a white, egg-like chair. He was in a dark room, with only the unblinking eye of the video camera to keep him company.

"Uh, hi," Mr. 3 said nervously to the camera.

Words appeared on the screen:

_Name: Galdino (Mr. 3)_

_Age: What _is _his age, Miss All Sunday? Ha ha, very funny._

"Aw, look what you made me write!" Miss Valentine said.

She, Miss All Sunday and Mr. 5 were working in a room close to Mr. 3. Miss Valentine worked on putting the text and effects on the video, Miss All Sunday did fact-checking and spell-check, and Mr. 5 was just bored.

Back to the screen:

_Favorite Movie: House of wax_

"What kind of movie is _that_?" Valentine snapped.

"Never heard of it," Miss All Sunday said. "I don't watch a lot of movies."

"There aren't a lot of VHS movies around Alabasta," Mr. 5 said. "It would be hard to locate a copy."

"What does 'VHS' stand for, anyway?"

"Vegepunk Hardwire Substitution, or something similar."

_Likes: Art, tea and little girls._

_Dislikes: Fighting and those Banana Gators. Bananawani?_

"Bananawani?" Mr. 5 asked.

"He just seems to be a person who would be afraid of them," Miss Valentine said.

"Uh, I like the finer things in life," Mr. 3 said to the camera. He straightened up and smiled.

"Looks like he's relaxing," Mr. 5 said.

"Thank you for stating the obvious," Miss Valentine said.

Mr. 3 went on, "I'm a professional sculpture, you know? I also have a high-ranking job where I work. I'm cultured and sophisticated,a master strategist, and I am great with kids."

"That reminds me, you should delete that last interest you put for him" Miss All Sunday said to Miss Valentine. "Quite a few unfortunate implications-"

"Aw, how do I do that?" Miss Valentine whined. "Where's Miss Goldenweek when you need her? Why am _I _in charge of this? _Waaaaahh..._"

"I'm looking for a girl who is cultured, likes art, and has a good sense of humor," Mr. 3 said. "Someone who is not afraid to clown around."

"Clown?" Mr. 5 asked. "You know, I heard of a clown-themed pirate named Buggy-"

"Is he or she buying a video?" Miss Valentine snapped. "He or she will have to buy a video if they want to meet Mr. 3. Unless they both get arrest-"

"Calm down, I wasn't being serious!"

Mr. 3 smiled smugly at the camera. "I'm also a great babysitter: I'm great with kids! Especially little girls...Wait, that didn't come out right."

"That's a wrap!" Miss All Sunday said. "Bring on the next person.


	2. Chapter 2: Mr 1

Mr. 1 had now taken Mr. 3's place in the room.

_Name: Daz Bones (Mr. 1)_

_Age: Let me check the manga_

_Favorite Movie: Superman II_

_Likes: Harry Potter and tights_

_Dislikes: Weakness and friendship._

"Where did you find out his likes and favorite movie?" Miss All Sunday asked.

"I looked under his bed and found his secret stash," Miss Valentine said with a snicker.

Mr. 1 sat in the chair, arms folded and looking stern.

Mr. 5 left the editing room and went into Mr. 1's room.

"You can talk now," Mr. 5 said.

"Huh?" Mr. 1 grunted.

"You can talk now. You know, for the video.

"I don't wanna."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"It would really mean a lot to Mr. 0 if you do."

"..."

"I'm just saying." And with that, Mr. 5 sighed and left for the editing room.

Mr. 1 turned to the camera and said. "Uh, hi. I'm not a swordsman."

Miss Valentine was all, "..."

So Mr. 5 gave her a look that went, "..."

Of course, Miss All Sunday was already, "..."

Mr. 1 continued, "..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I have a partner, Miss Doublefinger. It's not what you think, 'specially with a name like that...Though, when I first saw her, I thought there was a bachelor party going on, you know what I'm saying?"

"_Oh_, gossip!" Miss Valentine giggled. "Mr. 5, know what this means?"

"Blackmail?" Mr. 5 asked.

"Probably won't work, but let's try later."

"...And I sometimes wet the bed," Mr. 1 added.

Those in the editing room were speechless.

"Uh...we should probably edit that out," Miss Valentine said.

"It's best," Miss All Sunday and Mr. 5 said together.

Later...

"And then my father, Goofy, came at my with his belt," Mr. 1 cried. "He said, 'It's Goody time!' and...So that's why I wanted to be invulnerable. You know, Crocodile's been more of a father to me anyway."

Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine were bawling. Even Miss All Sunday seemed perturbed.

"I guess I became an assassin hurt others the way I was hurt..."

T_T

"But deep down, I really want to help people, you know? Like, a _superhero_."

T_T

"But when I'd say that to dad, he'd send this duck-pineapple thing at me. I hate you, Ludicolo!"

"We should probably stop," Miss All Sunday said. "Stop, _please_."

"All right, all right!" Miss Valentine screeched. "Mr. 5, go tell Mr. 1 to-"

"Ludicolo..." Mr. 5 said, bursting into tears.

"How could anyone _laugh_ at this? This poor man is in pain!"

"What a guy..."

"Makes you cry..."

"Ludicolo," Miss All Sunday whimpered. "Note to self, take all the Lotad from the Alabasta people. Make them suffer for their water."

Mr. 1 looked away at the camera and said, "A-hem, yes. I work for Crocopapa as Mr. 1. With a name like that, you _know _I'm important, girls. And lastly, my Devil Fruit powers allow me to get really hard...Wait, that didn't come out right."


	3. Chapter 3: Miss Wednesday

Miss Wednesday now took the chair.

_Name: Miss Wednesday (Name Unknown...Weird...)_

_Age: According to the One Piece Wiki, 16 _

_Favorite Movie: Lawrence of Arabia_

_Likes: Ducks and the people of Alabasta_

_Dislike: Baroque Works and injustice_

"Don't you find anything suspicious about her information?" Miss All Sunday asked Miss Valentine.

"Now that you mention it..." Miss Wednesday said. "Yes! There's _no way _she can be sixteen! Not with that body."

"No, I mean the-"

"Just give up on her, Miss," Mr. 5 sighed. "With her...you just can't win."

"Fetch me some chocolate _now_, please."

Mr. 5 sighed and got up. "Right away, Miss Valentine."

"I'd like a guy who's open-minded," Miss Wednesday said with a slight grin on her face. "A pirate, maybe. Someone fierce and manly."

"Me, too!" Miss Valentine gasped. "But not as much as I'd like chocolate."

"Vapid fangirlism," Miss All Sunday said curtly.

"And what do _you_ like in a man, Miss All Sunday?"

"Blue hair and speedos."

"Really?"

"No, of course not. Who would look like that, honestly?"

"Oh, right..."

Miss Wednesday went on, "Daddy wanted me to to care about the people or whatever, so he actually made me _work_. If anybody in Alabasta asks, I volunteered. But work? Euch, not my _forte_."

"I agree!" Miss Valentine said. "Where's my chocolate?"

"So, like, I'm a princess, so I have lots of money, yay! Uh, but don't tell my boss I'm a sexy spy, 'kay?"

Miss All Sunday took out a notepad from her mink coat's pocket and opened it up.

"Don't you _dare _write," Miss Valentine scolded. "It's very distracting. How am I supposed to become BFFs with her if I can't hear what her interests are?"

Miss All Sunday just stared at her, nonplussed.

"I mean, _come on_, wouldn't you like to know where she got her shoes? Definitely can't find those in the desert, you know."

"Because they'd be completely useless in a desert," Miss All Sunday said. "You know what? Forget it, just...Ah..."

"And then I maxxed out Daddy's credit card!" Miss Wednesday laughed. "Boy, it's _really _hard finding a place in the desert that would accept it. But then daddy yells at me for indirectly bankrupting the whole country and all that noise. Like, oh my god, _so annoying!_ God, I could go for some chocolate."

"Me too!" Miss Valentine said incredulously.

"For Pluton's sake..." Miss All Sunday moaned.

Miss Wednesday did not relent. "And then, for my sweet sixteen party, Daddy got me these seven little ducks, all in a straight line.~ I named them Carue, Stomp, Ivan, Cowboy, Bourbon Jr. (his daddy died in the box while being shipped to me), Kent..."

"I think I'll go check on Mr. 5 and those chocolates for you, Val," Miss All Sunday said.

"No!" Miss Valentine snapped. "Stay - the three of us will have a girl talk."

"But she can't even hear us..."

"I don't want to be alone. If you stay, I'll give you these 'glyphy' rocks I found."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, those 'glyphy' rocks you go on and on about. Something about Pluton..."

"And you'll give those to me if I stay with you?"  
"Yes, I will, All Sunday. Yes...I...will."

"As I said before, I'd like a guy who's open-minded." Miss Wednesday had a huge grin on her face and was not hiding it. "I had this fantasy of being on a boat with a blond guy and a green-haired guy. _Sooooooo hot_!"

"I had a dream I had a man made out of chocolate."

"And they would be in a steam room..."

"But then I bit his head off!"

"And there was this other guy, he had black hair."

"Cherry juice squirted out and the police came and arrested me!"

"And they all got close and took off their..."

"I was sent to this place underwater called 'Impel Down.'"

"...swords and a straw hat and a cigarette..."

"Crocodile was there with this guy I saw in a magazine I found under Crocodile's bed."

"And I was there, in a towel, too..."

"And something called 4Kids obliterated a place called 'Little Garden.'"

"And this one guy, he could _streeetch_, if you know what I mean, wink wink...Wait, no, not wink wink! That didn't come out right! Please don't tell Daddy I said all that!


	4. Chapter 4: Mr 4

"So that's when Dad made me get Water Stones for Lombre," Mr. 1 went on.

He had joined Miss All Sunday and Miss Valentine in the editing room. In his words, he "didn't want to be alone right now."

"And then what?" Miss Valentine asked, holding back her tears.

"I went down the well and saw this little girl, right? She said I would die in seven days. So I had to go to Vegepunk's home and ask the great scientist himself to invent the VCR and make these tapes."

"Go on."

"..."

"..."

"Well, he made me do...things. _Horrible, horrible _things. Needless to say, the things he did are what make me wake up at night screaming."

"Really?"

"No, a lot of other things make me wake up screaming. Like, when I came back, Dad yelled at me for not getting the Water Stones! And when I showed them to him, he gave them to Lombre and had it attack me!"

"Oh no!"

"And after that incident...I kept my hair cut and shaved. No way I'm going to let it be bitten off again."

"Do you want a hug?"

"No..."

"...?"

"...Yes..."

"Dear Pluton!" Miss All Sunday snapped. "Let's just stop with this character derailment and get to something serious. We _need _this money to fund our take-over."

"Dear Miss Snippy wants to take a fanfiction seriously!"

"Fanfiction?"

"Alright, let's interview the next person. Who is it?"

Mr. 4 was sitting atop the remains of the chair, which had shattered under his weight.

_Name: Mr. 4 (Not Important)_

_Age: 44?_

_Favorite Movie: The Ugly Dachshund (Yes, that's a real movie)_

_Likes: Dogs and pizza_

_Dislikes: Speed and thinking_

"Dachshunds are cute!" Miss Valentine said wisely. She was _damn right_.

"That's the smartest thing you've said today," Miss All Sunday said. "Kind of sad, really."

"It's not nice to put people down, Miss," Mr. 1 said quietly.

"Uuuuuuuuuhhh..." Mr. 3 said.

"I'll have to use fast-foreword on him," Miss Valentine said. "You told him what he should say, right, Mr. 1?"

"Yep: old him to talk about his interests, what he wants in a person-"

"You don't have any chocolate on you, do you?"

"...uuuuuuuuuuh like a puuuuuuuurrsssssssoooooooon whooooooooooooooo liiiiiiiiiiikes ," Mr. 4 said.

"..." was all Miss All Sunday had to add.

"Oh yeah!" Mr. 1 exclaimed. "When I didn't do my homework fast enough, my dad would yell at me and get the belt. And Mom...Mom just stood there."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"And then she sold my story with Vegepunk and it was made into a movie! _Ringu _made it big and I never saw a Belli for it! Dad said it was my fault for being cursed. I showed him when I ate my Devil Fruit, I sure did..."

"Pressing fast-foreword!" Miss Valentine announced. "Double-F, engage. Thrusters, foreword!"

"I have a dream of becoming a pizza delivery person," Mr. 4 said. "I enjoy watching _iCarly _and musicals. I'm slightly ashamed for having only recently learned how to count up to four, but I'm learning."

"What?" Miss Valentine gasped. "Is he really that stupid?"

Mr. 1 turned his arm into a blade, aimed it at her and said, "Hey, he may have a mental disability for all you know! It's not nice to make fun of people for having disabilities, you know? Or, what if I laughed at you for having a dead mother? Yeah, I know! And I bet you don't feel so good about it now, do you?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Woah," Miss Valentine said simply.

"I'm just saying," Mr. 1 responded.

"But...woah."

"I took baseball when I was about nine," Mr. 4 continued. "Back then I was known for my speed and ultra-muscular body. Then I was hit by a baseball and woke up 4 weeks later in a coma. Supposedly, the lack of exercise left my body ruined. But my baseball coach was there to coach me. I would have given up if not for him."

"How inspirational," Miss Valentine said, clasping her hands together. "He's like all those East Blue people who help the fish-people overcome their differences and become better students."

"You never see the Angel-people in those movies," Mr. 1 said clearly.

"The what?"

"You know, those people from the sky, the people with wings."

"There's no such thing!"

"Yes, there is!"

"Prove it then."

"I will!"

Mr. 4 went on. "He would make me run laps late at night, after practice when all the other boys and girls went home. He also made sure I had a snug uniform - he did the measurements himself!"

"This doesn't sound like it's going to have a happy ending."

"Not _that _happy ending," Miss Valentine said. "Maybe the one you get from a masseuse-"

"Miss, that's _not _funny."

"What?"

"This could be a serious issue we're dealing with."

"Lighten up - it's a fanfic, it's being played for laughs!"

"What's so funny about abuse? Only a sick freak would laugh at someone in Mr. 4's position, or about someone wetting the bed."

"You bleeding heart, lighten up! Get ti, _lighten up_? Because I can control my weight.

"Oh, yes."

Both Mr. 1 and Miss Valentine shared a hardy laugh. Miss All Sunday was now face-palming.

"And also, I wet the bed," Mr. 4 added happily.

"Oh _yeah_." Mr. 1 smiled. "I can see how that could be hilarious. Tee-hee!"

"We didn't laugh when you confessed," Miss Valentine said. "Dude, not cool. We may have been playing bad things for laughs and barely getting away with a T rating, but we never laughed at someone's misfortune."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...We really ran out of ideas, didn't we?"

"Well, we have a few gags that really get into darker territories of humor. We could save 'em for Mr. 2, or..."

"..."

"..."

"Where's my chocolate? Have you seen Mr. 5?"

"Oh yeah, he's in his room, eating a box of candy."

"I'm hoping to meet someone who can really take a hit, and likes to receive," Mr. 4 said. "And I mean it in every way you can think of."

"Who's next?" Miss Valentine asked.

"Perverts," Mr. 1 responded, holding up a sheet of paper. "Nothing but perverts."


	5. Chapter 5: Miss Monday

**This chapter is dedicated to Lolly Dream, this story's first fan, and to the lady who used to live in my tool shed, may she rest in peace.**

"So who's up next, bucko?" Miss Valentine asked.

"Perverts," Mr. 1 responded. "First Mr. Tw..First we have Miss Monday-"

"Who?"

"That girl Mr. 8 was partnered up with."

"Oh, I forgot about her. I asked her out of a date once, before I got a real good look at her and...her dress."

"I did, too. After her we have Mr. 0 and Mr...2."

Miss Monday was now sitting in a small pink chair.

_Name: Miss Monday (Makiko Ohmoto)_

_ Age: Monday_

_ Favorite Movie: Boys Don't Cry, Bambi_

_ Likes: Dolls and heavy metal_

_ Dislikes: Bombs and crossdressers_

"You know, my parents wanted me to be a ninja," Mr. 1 said.

"Oh, really?" Miss Wednesday asked.

"Yes, they wanted me to go to this series called 'Naruto,' but I didn't want to, you know? I wanted to be a superhero. I was even accepted by Marvel Comics!"

"DC Comics is better. Are?"

"Lies, you speak. Anyway, they were from a different continent, so this was pretty big. But of course, Dad just got his belt and said that it was 'Goofy time' again."

"I'd like a guy who can take care of me," Miss Monday said sweetly. Someone who will wrap me in their strong arms and cuddle, just cuddle."

"Hey, Miss All Sunday?" Miss Valentine asked. "Is is 'DC Comics _is _better,' or 'DC Comics _are _better?' Because 'Comics' is part of their name, but the sentence flows better with-"

Miss All Sunday used about five of her hands to face-palm herself.

"I think she agrees with me!"

"No fair!" Mr. 1 snapped. Tears swelled up in his eyes.

"Aw, I'm sorry, bucko," Miss Valentine said softy. "Would you like that hug now?"

"Yes, please..."

"Or some chocolate?"

"Yes..."

"Then go get me some, please. _Now_."

Miss Monday went on, "I like girly things, such as dresses and dollies and...You know, I don't like ponies. One time, when I was a little girl, this pony bit me."

While Miss Monday went on, Mr. 1 left the room and came back with a box of chocolate.

"I thought you would run away," Miss Valentine said, taking the box from him.

"I would _never _abandon a friend," Mr. 1 declared. "Uh, we _are friends, right?_"

"Uh..."

"Please, I've been hurt so many times before."

Miss Valentine, mouth now full of chocolate bonbons, clearly said, "Mrphrrhprhpohr."

Miss All Sunday was now wondering if she would be able to strangle them both and get away with it.

Miss Monday continued, "I enjoy riding bikes against a mountainous backdrop, writing yaoi fanfiction, the East Blue derby, and professional swimming. Hope to see you soon."

She blew a kiss towards the camera.

"Nobody understands me!" Mr. 1 bawled. "I just...opened myself up to you-all and...and-"

Miss Valentine stretched her hands to give him a hug, mumbling something incoherently.

"Don't touch me!" Mr. 1 snapped at her. Then he walked out crying.

"I love slumber parties, and I'd love for you to join me," Miss Monday said sheepishly. "Wait...that didn't come out right."


	6. Chapter 6: Mr 0 and Mr 2

_Dear, Dad_

_How are you? Things are good with me. I got a new job (not as a superhero!) and have encountered many Lotad in the land of Alabasta. They don't attack me like your Ludicolo does._

_How can you tell if a girl likes you?_

_-Love, Daz Bones_

"Next up...uh...Mr. 0." Miss Valentine said, surprised. "Miss All Sunday, our _boss _in using a dating service."

"Probably to help raise money, for sure," Miss All Sunday surmised. "He'd be too busy to take on a tramp."

"Me_-ow_, Miss All Sunday."

"Excuse me?"

Mr. 0 himself was now sitting in the chair, facing the camera. THe chair itself was struggling to support his weight.

"Is this thing rolling?" Mr. 0 asked. Then he rolled his cigar around in his mouth.

_Name: Mr. 0 (Sir Crocodile)_

_Age: 41_

_Favorite Movie: Scarface_

_Likes: Dishing out dirt, cowboy hats, gratuitous Italian_

_Dislikes: Water, rubber, straw hats_

"I like a girl who wouldn't mind wearing a maid's outfit," Mr. 0 said, clicking his tongue.

Miss Valentine's jaw dropped.

"At least he's honest," Miss All Sunday coughed.

"And a girl who isn't afraid to get down and dirty," Mr. 0 said, holding back a chuckle. "A girl who is calm, obedient, who works fast pace. A bright smile and a tiny waist. And a cowboy hat."

"I think he likes you!" Miss Valentine bellowed.

"No," Miss All Sunday said to her strictly, "He knows I'm in here, he's trying to push my buttons."

"But no lemons," Mr. 0 said. "Lemons are, in fact, _unsexy_."

While Miss Valentine glared at Mr. Crocodile though her screen, Miss All Sunday took a few bonbons for herself and ate them.

"I also enjoy spitting in people's boxes of chocolate and giving it to them. Because people shouldn't be eating on the job."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Yes."

Miss All Sunday and Miss Valentine were now in the act of spitting out their chocolate bonbons into garbage cans.

"Yeah, my organization may not be so great _now_, but we're building up. And I'm the boss, obviously. Heh, I have a bunch of stupid works following my every whim so I can take over this lame little desert. But once I find this super-weapon, _ho boy_."

"Plotting world domination _really _makes a man unattractive," Miss Valentine said.

Miss All Sunday was now banging her head against the wall, hoping she could end her suffering soon.

"I like women with curves, _bella_. Someone who doesn't make me wear a cork for my hook when we're in bed. I want a _body_, not a _friend_."

"That's kind of sad," Miss Valentine said. "I guess we've all been hurt so much we've become horrible, jaded people."

"And hairless."

"Miss All Sunday? I'm sorry for making you stay..."

"Can I _please _have those Ponoglyphs now?" Miss All Sunday asked curtly.

"What? Oh, sure."

Miss Valentine gave her a box full of rocks. Each rock had 'glyphy' printed on it with bright yellow writing.

"'Glyphy' rocks, just like you wanted," Miss All Sunday said warmly."

"These aren't the Glyphs I was looking for."

"Oh yeah, I lied. Deal with it."

"I guess I have a good butt," Mr. 0 chuckled. "Wanna see?"

"Cut the feed, Miss Valentine!" Miss All Sunday snapped. "Cut the feed!"

"Which button? Which button do I press?"

"I'm looking for someone with sandy-blond hair, maybe," Mr. 0 cackled. "Not really, but it makes sense if you knew what I was talking about."

"All Sunday, get the manual."

"This trick, I call 'Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.'"

Miss All Sunday slammed a hand on her keyboard in front of Miss Valentine. The hand then walked over and pressed a button.

"You press the 'off' button," Miss All Sunday snapped.

Meanwhile, in Mr. 0's room...

Mr. 0 was zipping up and getting up from the chair.

"Good work, if I say so myself," Mr. 0 chuckled.

"I agree, good work, sir!" came a voice.

"Huh?"

The chair started to contort: the front legs became swan-like, and the chair stoof upright and turned into Mr. 2.

"Surprise!" Mr. 2 screeched. "I was in disguise, acting as the chair Mr. 4 so carelessly broke!"

_Name: Mr.2 (Bentham)_

_Age: Older Than Time Itself_

_Favorite Movie: The Rocky Horror Picture Show_

_Likes: Harry Potter novels, transvestism_

_Dislikes: The unfunny, fishnets_

"I'd like someone who can provide," Mr. 2 said, as Mr 0 punched him in the face. "Someone who has a sense of humor but is kind and gentle. Open-minded, but someone who wouldn't mind living a quiet suburban life, yo."

Everyone stopped to look at him in surprise.

Mr. 2 went on, "I'm not really a fan of...intercourse. I'd just like a simple life with my true love, knitting, having tea, playing the piano, and feeding swans at the park, yo."

"Oh, _come on_," Miss All Sunday groaned.

"Really?" Miss Valentine asked Mr. 2, apparently forgetting he couldn't hear her.

"_Yes!_" Mr. 2 cackled. "A quiet suburban life on Newkama Island! _Gaaaaaahahaha, _yo!"

"_Kyahahahaha_!"

"I don't like intercourse...unless it's _really, really _wild, yo!"

"_Kyahahahaha_!"

Mr. 0 delivered a thorough punch to Mr. 2's face, forever leaving a mark of red on his lips, where a ring from Mr. 0's finger left its mark.


	7. Chapter 7: Epilogue

"That's everyone," Miss Valentine said. "All all that's left to do is edit the videos."

Miss All Sunday glared at her menacingly. "You can do that by yourself. I would prefer never to see you again, or hear your idiotic shrills."

"That's not a nice thing to say."

"I don't care!" Miss All Sunday bellowed. "_I _had to put up with you for so many hours. _You _blathered on like a vapid idiot this while time, slowly driving me insane. _You _have been acting like a spoiled child."

"But-"

"And I had to put up with Mr. 1's incessant whining. _You _can't even manage the simple task of pressing a button. _You _are what's wrong with this organization, what's wrong with society, what's wrong with _everything_."

"..."

"If you lived in ancient times, they would have killed you long ago. But no, we here in the present care too much, we're more _civilized_. The world would be much better if you and your idiot little friends did one smart thing and jumped of a cliff and into the sea."

"Miss All Sunday..."

"I never want to see your idiotic face again. I don't want to hear an stupid little word that comes out your mouth. Every word you say is an abomination towards language and literature. Every time you breathe you curse the land with your existence."

Miss Valentine sat in the corner and covered her face with her hands. She said, "I didn't mean to upset you! I didn't mean to!"

"Well...you did. Sorry to unload on you like that, but you deserved to hear every word."

Miss Valentine started to cry. Miss All Sunday frowned.

"I'm just...so sorry I acted the way I acted...Miss All Sunday..."

"Well, you weren't _that _bad, just...not smart. Please, don't cry."

"I thought...if I acted dumb and cutesy...people would like me."

"You're high-up in this organization, you should act like it."

"I thought you'd be intimidated by a smart person. Guys don't like smart girls..."

Miss All Sunday sighed and helped her up. "Guys like smart girls," she said.

"Sure, and they also like girls with a _fun personality_."

"Forget about guys, you don't need them."

Miss Valentine sniffled and gave Miss All Sunday a sunny smile. "Thank you..."

She them gave Miss All Sunday a kiss on the cheek and swiftly walked out.

Miss All Sunday held her cheek. Then she realized, _I'm the only one left here. I'm stuck doing the editing._

_Dear, Dad_

_So I found out I have a brother. Why didn't you tell me?_


End file.
